So many waking hours of my life were wasted worrying.
And the area of my life that I was most proficient in worrying about was my finances.
What can I do to make more money? Where can I borrow money from next? When will my financial situation ever improve? Why did I make such foolish decisions? How can I explain to my wife that it’s not going to be like this forever?
These questions, in and of themselves, were not bad. What was most detrimenal was the stress and anxiety that came as a result of dwelling upon these questions for prolonged periods of time.
Allowing myself to be overly concerned with things that were not under my control was frustrating. Allowing myself to be overly anxious about the next source of provision was taxing. Allowing myself to feel overly guily for the past financial mistakes I had made was shameful.
But then, I discovered the gospel.
I discovered the good news about a provision that I could never obtain for a problem that I could never fix.
God has provided, a Savior for my sins.
A spotless life to earn my righteousness. A willing substitute to pay my penalty. God has provided a way for me to have a relationship with Him not on the merits of something I have yet to do, but on the merits of something Jesus Christ has already done.
God has provided a way for me to escape His punishment and, instead, enjoy His presence. God has provided a way for me to stop running from His wrath, and, instead, fall to my knees in worship. God has provided a way for me to avoid isolation from Him and, instead, experience intimacy with Him.
And it is when I am most aware of how God has already graciously provided for my greatest spiritual needs that a confidence rises up within me to trust Him to provide for my physical needs.
It is when I dwell upon God’s goodness in providing for me a Savior that my worries, anxieties, and fears fade away and make space for an experience that no amount of money can purchase…peace.