I'm so disappointed in myself. How could I let this become my reality? Shouldn't I know better? Wasn't I raised to know better? With all the material I consumed on the topic and with all the material I created and taught on the topic, How could I let this happen to me?
How did I ever allow myself to stop dreaming?
At what point did I stop envisioning my preferred future? At what point did I stop writing down long-term goals? At what point did I stop believing that God could do the impossible in and through my life?
Maybe because it was because I got older. Maybe because it was I saw certain dreams go unfulfilled. Maybe it was because I just lost faith.
Though I like to tell myself I was just "surrendering my future into God's hands." Though I would like to believe I was just "being faithful when the amounts are small." Though I would like to argue I was "seeking God's will and not my own." I don't think that was really the case.
When I stopped dreaming, I became cynical. I became pessimistic. I became fearful. I became jaded. I became unresolved. I became a "realist." If I was truly seeking "God's will," I don't believe I would've taken on these negative character traits.
Well, today, all of this ends.
Today I start dreaming again! Today I start imagining again! Today I reignite my childlike faith!
Because though I may have grown older, this childhood lesson I have not yet forgotten,
Without faith it is impossible to please God.