Last year I had the privilege of enjoying a 3-month sabbatical.

But, when i returned in September of 2019, little did I know, my wife and I would begin the most difficult season of our lives…

1. September: Paz’s Depart from TheMovement.Church.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, the first task awaiting me when I returned from my sabbatical was leading our church through the unexpected departure of my parents and brother from our church. My parents and brother had been a part of the church since we started nearly 7 years ago. This was very difficult.

2. October: Key Leader Arrested for Inappropriately Communicating with Minors on Social Media.

This was devastating. We could’ve never seen this coming. Leading our church, the student ministry that he was a leader in, and his family through this circumstance has been extremely challenging. To this day, he is still in jail awaiting his sentence. I have talked to him weekly over the last 10 months. This has not been easy.

3. November: Two Husbands Cheat on their Wives.

Walking with one couple through reconciliation following an infidelity is tough. Walking with two couples, simultaneously, is very emotionally taxing. Though I praise God that both marriages have been restored, this was exhausting.

4. December: Worship Leader Leaves Church.

For reasons I completely understand, our worship leader and his wife left our church. This was particularly difficult, not only because this was a dear friend, but it also required that I step into his place to lead our music ministry team in the meantime. This was a punch in the gut.

BY THE GRACE OF GOD JANURY AND FEBRUARY BROUGHT LITTLE DIFFICULTY. BUT, JUST AS WE THOUGHT WE HAD TURNED THE CORNER FROM A DIFFICULT FALL OF 2019…

5. March: Covid-19 Strikes.

Transitioning our church to functioning primarily online was no easy task. Preaching into a camera took more out of me physically and emotionally than I expected. Facilitating the various parts of the service then preaching for six weeks in a row literally knocked me out cold. The Wednesday after my fifth week preaching, I found myself on the floor of the church office curled up in a ball like a baby. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t drive home. Not Covid, but a major fever. This was scary.

6. April: Rebekah’s Cancer Doesn’t Suppress. Hysterectomy Is Needed ASAP.

For over a year my wife had been on a cancer suppression medicine in hopes that, if the cancer in her uterus lining was suppressed enough, we could still try having a child naturally. The medicine didn’t work. We had to make the difficult decision for her to get a hysterectomy thus killing our dreams of my wife one day giving birth to a child. This was heart-breaking.

7. May: George Floyd is Murdered.

Leading our church (roughly 20% of which is African-American) through the anger, sorrow, fear, confusion, and conviction of the events surrounding and following the death of George Floyd was a lot to handle. Though we drew a line in the sand during this time to become an unapologetically anti-racist church, the work that it requires is no joke. This was overwhelming.

8. June: Church Office is Robbed.

$6,000+ worth of equipment needed replacing. $10,000+ needed to be invested in securing our office moving forward. $16,000+ in unexpected expenses. We had to livestream Sundays from my iPhone. Quality of our services went down dramatically. This was frustrating.

9. June: Former Pastoral Apprentice Leaves Church.

Prior to this Pastoral Apprentice and his wife leaving, our Pastoral Team had to navigate through conversations with him and the church about why we had chosen not to ordain him as a Pastor. These were not easy. We had a desire for him and his wife to stay at the church despite our decision. They chose not to. I had been very deeply invested into this man’s life, and they had been deeply invested into our church for nearly 3 years. This was sad.

10. June: Leader Who Was Arrested Has Article Written about Him in East Bay Times. His Case Becomes a Federal One.

Leading his family and our church following the details of what he was arrested for becoming public knowledge was not easy. Old wounds were reopened. New wounds developed. The potential for a longer sentence became a reality. This felt like the progress that had been made was reversed.

Though there were many lessons learned over these last 10 months (I do plan about writing about those in the future.), the purpose of this post was not so much to reflect on these circumstances, but to recall them so that i can understand, more clearly, why, on this day, July 2, I feel so…out. of. gas.